Then he looked full upon me. I had borne Much staunchly, but that look I could not bear! What man may front a god and live? I fell Prone, as if stricken by a thunderbolt;
And, though I died not, somewhat of me died That made me man. When my long stupor passed I was no longer Maximus—I was
A weakling with a piteous woman-soul,
All strength and pride, joy and ambition gone-— My Claudia, dare I tell thee what foul curse
Is mine because I looked upon a god?
I care no more for glory; all desire
For conquest and for strife is gone from me, All eagerness for war; I only care
To help and heal bruised beings, and to give Some comfort to the weak and suffering.
I cannot even hate those Jews; my lips
Speak harshly of them, but within my heart
I feel a strange compassion; and I love
All creatures, to the vilest of the slaves
Who seem to me as brothers! Claudia, Scorn me not for this weakness; it will pass— Surely ’twill pass in time and I shall be Maximus strong and valiant once again, Forgetting that slain god! and yet—and yet— He looked as one who could not be forgot!